Communication Conference-POM




Effective communication in your marriage is not just about saying and hearing words—it’s all about relaying ideas accurately with the intent of building a mutual understanding. When a husband and wife practice healthy habits for talking, listening, and processing together, it’s not only good for their marriage, but ultimately for the glory of God.

If we are to have marriages that are healthy, enjoyable, and intentional, we must learn and apply wise principles to how we communicate. We must take to heart Solomon’s words:

“A fool takes no pleasure in understanding but only in expressing his opinion.” Proverbs 18:2

When we get in the habit of bad communication in our marriage, that’s when we will stifle growth, inhibit intimacy, and create endless spouts of bickering, arguing, and division.

However, when we begin to put into practice healthy communication, our marriages will begin to fuel growth and intimacy and make our marriages resilient against otherwise devastating disagreements.

The foundation towards healthy communication in marriage begins with a humble and listening heart!

Join us on Saturday, May 12th as we begin the journey together to identify and put into practice principles towards effective communication in your marriages.

“Did You Hear What I Just Said?” Conference will take place at Eastern Hills Baptist Church, 3100 Morris NE, Albuquerque, NM  87111 from 2pm till 8pm. A catered Dinner is included in the conference.  The cost is $40 per couple and $25 per individual.

We, Joe & Kerry Vivian, will speak on effective communication towards love, forgiveness, family matters, servanthood, sexual intimacy, and growth in Christ.

Please register at on the Communication Conference page or follow this link.  “Did You Hear What I Just Said?”  $25 individual/$40 per couple


5 Questions That Should Be Asked….

Kerry and I spent this past Saturday on a date night. Anyone that knows us well knows how much we advocate “Date Nights” for husbands and wives. This is a time to focus on one another and continue the pursuit of both romance and well as intimacy in your growing marriage. Yet, last week I came across an article that opened my perspective on “Date Nights.”
The article came from Intimate Marriage. They talked about two types of Date Nights. The first one was the one that I always think of, the “Fun Date Nite.” This is the one that is reminiscent of those dates you had when you were courting each other. Very light hearted and a getting to know each other in a fun and creative way. You both took time to enjoy one another’s company and create memories from that date. They introduced another “Date Night” that I feel should be a vital and necessary date time with your spouse: The Working Date.
A “Working Date ” is a regular hour block each week when a husband and wife come together to work on their marriage. In contrast to a “Fun Date Night” where no business is allowed, the working date is set
aside to do the business of marriage. This is the time to ask the 5 questions to one another and instead of justifying your answers or manipulating the conversation, stop and listen to your spouse and ask God to guide you to fulfill the answers shared by your spouse.
This is not an easy task at hand. The questions require prayer, thought, and transparency. Fulfilling those answers requires humility, obedience to God’s will, and a willingness to grow closer to your spouse; the one God ordained for you.

Here are the 5 questions:
1. How did you feel loved this past week? How did you feel hurt this past week?
2. What does your upcoming week look like?
3. How would you feel most loved & encouraged in the days ahead?
4. How would you best feel pursued in sex / intimacy this week?
5. How can I pray for you this week?

Kerry and I spent the entire night asking and answering those 5 questions. Yes, some of the answers were hard to hear and there were times we felt we both needed to justify the “why’s,” however, we knew that this was the time to capture our thoughts, make them obedient to Christ, and serve one another by fulfilling those answers. It turned out to be one of the best “Date Nights” we have had in many years.

So are there any other questions you may add?  What are your thoughts?



Here we are again…It’s Wednesday and maybe now is the time to be making plans for the weekend. So here are 6 fun and inexpensive ideas for the weekend…

  • Photobomb another couple’s date together.
  • Have a picnic someplace random, like the roof of your house, during a car wash, the front yard of a home for sale. (not responsible for any legal costs you may incur)
  • Each of you researches a favorite poem and shares it over a romantic dinner.
  • Movie night out with HER selecting a movie HE would like.
  • Have a backwards date, where you do everything you would normally do on a date, but backwards.
  • Make kites together and go fly them in a park.

Enjoy your time together and remember to have fun, make memories, but most of all learn something new about your spouse and with that, grow even closer to one another!


Joe and Kerry



Yes, it’s only Wednesday; however, start planning now for your date night with your spouse this weekend…

Like we told ya, we would share a list of 6 inexpensive, yet very memorable ideas you two can do this weekend on your date night.

  • Curl up in bed together and watch a romantic comedy.
  • Turn on iTunes Radio to your favorite station and dance in the kitchen.
  • He offers her a sensual massage.
  • Movie night out with HIM selecting a movie SHE wants to see.
  • Go bird-watching, but playfully and affectionately distract one another while hiding in the shrubs.
  • Reenact your first date.

Let us know if you tried these or if you have other ones that you would like to share.

Remember: Have fun, make memories, but most of all learn something new about your spouse and with that, grow even closer to one another!


Joe & Kerry

Invest In Your Marriage


This week Kerry and I are in Ruidoso, NM. We rented a cabin for a few days during Kerry’s Spring Break. It’s a romantic cabin in the woods, fully equipped with a private deck, a fireplace, a kitchen and a king sized bed. Yup, it’s just the two of us for the week. Time for both of us to reconnect, spend time with each other, and grow intimately: emotionally, physically and spiritually.

Yes, this is an investment in time and money; however, it is the right kind of investment each husband and wife should be making in their marriages. You each should be ALWAYS dating your spouse throughout your marriage. Never stop flirting, never stop romancing, never stop dating!

Kerry and I try to go out on a date at least once a week. We also will try to get a hotel room for a night at least once every 3-4 months and at least once a year, get away, just the two of us, on a vacation of sorts and without distractions, reconnect with one another.

How about you? Do you take time to “Date” your spouse? It doesn’t need to be expensive or stressful, it just needs to be a time that you will spend time together and make great memories.

Here are some “Investment” Date Night Ideas. Next Wednesday, we’ll share some easy, inexpensive ideas.

  • Dine together at the restaurant in your city or town that you believe has the most romantic view.
  • Rent out a hotel room or B&B that has a private hot tub for you two to share.
  • Take a cooking class together
  • Buy body paints and a large sheet of paper. Make art with each  other’s bodies and frame and/or mount the final product.
  • Go horseback riding or take an overnight horseback camping adventure.
  • Dessert Tour: Share taster sized desserts in three different restaurants. End with a decadent chocolatier. 

Have fun, make memories, but most of all learn something new about your spouse and with that, grow ever closer to one another!


Date Night Ideas – July 8th 


Well, here it is Wednesday and we need to be planning for Date Night this weekend with our spouses. Have you asked your husband/wife out on a date for this weekend? 

Starting today and every Wednesdays, we will give you some ideas so as to plan out a fun and enjoyable Date Night. Wives, I know that many feel that the Husband should ask out the wives and plan them out; however, why not mix it up every once and a while and surprise your Husband. Husbands, this does not eliminate your responsibility towards romance either…

So look through these ideas and if one suits your fancy, do it this weekend. If not, still plan something fun to do together!

  1. Movie night in with HER selecting a movie HE would like.
  2. Make something out of clay together.
  3. Crash someone else’s party and pretend you are friends from years ago that you are surprised the guests don’t remember.
  4. Drive places where you can introduce your spouse to fond memories of yours that you both can share.
  5. Curl up into bed together and watch a romantic comedy.

So there they are…We would love to hear from you if you do any of these and how they worked out, or if you have any other date night ideas, please share.

-Joe and Kerry 

Romancing Your Wife – 20 Ideas

It seems that during this crazy and fast paced life we all live as husband and wife, and especially as the years increase in our marriages, we forget to romance our spouses. We forget how we treated them when we were dating. They were all we could think of.  We spent many an hour coming up with ways we could show them we love them…then comes children, then comes careers, then comes life…
I was surprised by 5 large, red, Mylar heart balloons today from Kerry. When I asked her what they were for, she replied, “I just wanted you to know how much I love you.” She went out of her way to “romance” me. Yes, we will serve each other as we go throughout the daily routine; however, she went out and did something above and beyond, yet very simple, to just say, “I love you.”
It got me to thinking, when was the last time I truly “romanced” my wife? When was the last time I showed her that I am still madly in love with her by being simply romantic? So as I thought about this, I also tried to come up with 20 ways to romance my wife. As I wrote these down, I also realized that I have not done all these, but I should take time to. We are to be “one flesh” with our wives, we are to be active in our marriages, to “serve and preserve” the families God has ordained for each of us. I will use this list as a stepping stone and become more active in the “romance” of my beloved.
Hopefully you will find some of these helpful too…
1. Develop a special sign or secret word just for her that communicates your love.
2. Using dry-erase markers, leave a note to your sweetie on the bathroom mirror.
3. Look in her eyes and just listen.
4. Over coffee ask your wife, “What are the three most romantic times we’ve had together?” Remember what they are and make plans to do them again.
5. Next time you’re sitting with your wife in church, reach out and put your arm around her.
6. Hold her hand whenever you are in public together.
7. Compliment your wife in front of others-especially your kids! You may be the only one in her life who’s doing it.
8. Take time out of your day and cook her dinner. Then have a quiet dinner together. You also clean up too.
9. Leave roses in the front seat of her vehicle-just because.
10. Send her flirtatious text messages for her eyes only.
11. Arrange a date with your wife at least once a month. Mark it on the calendar and take the initiative to make it happen.
12. Next time your favorite team or show is on TV, skip it and take her shopping or out to dinner. Spend time with her instead. Let her know she is the most important person on this earth.
13. Ask your wife to write down three things she’d like you to start doing, three things she’d like you to stop doing, and three things she’d like you to keep doing. Read the list and do it.
14. Arrange for a babysitter and then whisk your wife away on a special day filled with fun things she enjoys.
15. Remember how much you talked when you were dating? How polite you were? Try that for one week and watch what happens.
16. Make each other laugh.
17. Leave her a scavenger hunt of notes and clues for a romantic getaway. Make it another honeymoon and invest in your marriage.
18. Remain faithful to your wife in your heart, in your mind, and in your actions!
19. Remember your wife is God’s gift to you. Thank Him for her daily, and then tell her you did so.
20. Ask God to reveal to you how you can love her like you have never loved her before and how you will never love her like that again, then do it!
Finally, chocolates never hurt either…
So husbands, in closing the best romantic advice I can share with you, “If you want to be a stronger husband, then focus on becoming a stronger disciple of Jesus.” I know for a fact that Kerry finds that the most romantic act I can share with her.