Do You Encourage or Discourage With Your Words?


Happy New Year Ladies!  Now that 2014 is in the rearview mirror and we are on the road of 2015, I thought I would share with each of you a great way to kick off this New Year. Joe and I have personally noticed a change in direction of speech among married folks that we agree with completely. Instead of the “ol’ ball and chain” stereotype that used to define matrimony, men and women are treating marriage like a gift (because it is), and their spouses like a prize (because they are). Nowadays, wives aren’t belittling their husbands for laughs. I mean, some may try, but if they’re lucky, a true friend pulls them to the side real quick and sets them real straight. Sitcoms showing the long-suffering wife tolerating their bumbling husbands can sometimes trick women into thinking that disrespect is funny, and, that men are just species that you can’t live with and you can’t live without. We live in the real world, though. While one of those television husband’s reaction to intentional sarcasm and eye-rolling might be flowers and trying harder, your husband probably won’t respond in the same way. Let’s remember what Paul wrote to the church at Ephesus: “Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.” Eph 4:29

Now, I know none of you would dare treat your husband with anything less than total respect. I also know that despite the general feeling of reverence that you have for your man, life might prevent you from actually SAYING the things to let him know how much you care about him. We have been married for almost 25 years, and I am still growing and learning on how words of affirmation affect the entire day, let alone the week at times. I realize that Joe needs words of affirmation and encouragement to feel connected and loved. It’s not that without it, our love will diminish, it’s so that we can grow closer; one flesh, mind and spirit. So, I’ve been working to give him that. Once I started making the effort it turned out to not be that difficult.

  1. I love you.
  2. Thank you.
  3. Have a good day.
  4. How are you feeling?
  5. I’m proud of you.
  6. You look great.
  7. I appreciate you.
  8. You turn me on.
  9. How was your day?
  10. Do you need anything from me?

Of course, the way that you say these things to your husband do not have to be exact. This list is just a place to start.  What this truly is is a blueprint or a jumpstart for some. Words of encouragement for some do not come easy. And before you go off saying, “Why should I use words of encouragement to him, he never speaks them to me!” Humble yourself and realize that God had ordained your marriage and your husband. When you speak words of encouragement to him, you are truly speaking words of praise to God for the gift He has given you. It’s not about how much you get from your husband, it’s all about how much you give back to God through praise of the husband He has given you.

Again, it’s ten simple phrases every single day. There’s 24 hours in the day, so that shouldn’t be a problem at all. Just get ready, though. Committing to affirming your husband every single day sows into your relationship, and you’ll reap the benefits. I feel like we’re communicating really clearly with each other because we’re both making an effort to acknowledge and recognize what each other is doing each day. The payoff for this tiny deposit into our relationship is incredible and truly priceless.

In His Grip~                                                                                                                       Kerry

How do you affirm your husband? Did it come easily to you, or did you have to work at it?

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