Have you ever said something to your spouse and then immediately thought to yourself…”Ummmm…did I just say that out loud?!”
I think we’ve all been there and sometimes we can say the most hurtful things to the people we love the most. We can try to excuse it by blame shifting, blaming that the actions of others led us to speak those words, however, the blame falls squarely on our shoulders.
Truth is that our words can make or break our relationships and we need to commit to using our words wisely. We must make it a practice to “capture our thoughts and make them obedient to Christ” 2 Cor 10:5b You truly can communicate your message without being biting or sarcastic and if you approach your spouse in a supportive and encouraging way, your message/your thought is going to be received so much better.
For the well-being and health of your marriage, let’s look at four words/phrases that should be removed from your vocabulary immediately:
DON’T SAY: “Have you gained weight?”
If they’re gaining weight, trust me, they know it without you pointing it out. Instead of focusing the attention to the weight, try suggestion healthier options for meals or going on walks together or even joining a gym class to promote ways you can spend time together and both get healthier at the same time. Be their biggest encourager; not their biggest critic! Remember, God looks at the heart while man looks at the outward appearance.
DON’T SAY: “You Always…” or “You Never…”
Absolute statements that are negative, have no place in a marriage during an argument. When we’re trying to make a point, we often make hurtful accusations about our spouse that exaggerate the truth. “Always” and “Never” can be dangerous words. If you do say the words “You always…” or “You never…”, make sure you say something positive, like “You always know how to make me smile.” Instead of something negative like “You always make everything so complicated” or “You never do anything to help me.”
DON’T SAY: Anything mean, degrading or disrespectful.
Okay, so this may look like a “catch-all” statement by listing so many statements, but the important point is that you need to always keep a positive focus in your words if you want to maintain a positive focus in your marriage. Once you say a word, you can’t take it back, so be very careful about each word you speak to each other. Think on this…A marriage can’t have too much encouragement or too little criticism.
DON’T SAY: “Divorce”
The “D-Word” should also be removed permanently from your vocabulary. Don’t use it as a threat or as an option. there is no “escape plan” in a Christ centered marriage. There’s no intimacy in marriage without complete commitment and there can be no true commitment if you have even the threat of an exit strategy.
Can you think of words/phrases you would add to this list? Let us know, we would love to grow this list further.