Pursuit of Marriage 3 Day Retreats are Texas Bound!! Join us in March 2019

You asked, we responded. Texas…Here we come!!

Yes, we are taking our Marriage Retreat to Athens, Texas: Caplin Ranch

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This is a Three-Day Marriage Retreat facilitated by Joe and Kerry Vivian.

Come and spend the weekend at Caplin Ranch in Athens, Texas for our ” 3 Facets of Intimacy in Marriage” retreat.

Caplin Ranch Living Room

During that weekend you will spend time as Husband & Wife and learn to apply the three facets of Intimacy in a Marriage: Emotional-Spiritual-Physical. Take time to invest into your marriage what God originally designed for  intimacy in your marriage.

This “3 Facets of Intimacy in Marriage” retreat is scheduled for March 15-17, 2019 in Athens, Texas. Early Registration is $425 per couple before December 1st, 2018, only requiring a $200 non-refundable deposit. The total remaining balance due on February 8th. Standard Registration is from December 1st thru January 31st. That cost will increases to $450 per couple. Also including a $200 non-refundable deposit and total remaining balance due by the 8th of February also.

The cost includes a private room with private bath, all meals and all materials and reading resources for each couple.

This retreat is limited to the first 7 couples who register.  We truly believe it will sell out quickly, so don’t delay.

This is an intimate retreat so couples can listen, share, and glean from God’s word as well as the experiences from other couples.

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Check-In opens at 4pm. The Retreat begins at 4:30pm.
Check-out is 11am on the final day.
Register by using our online registration.

Early Bird Registration POM Marriage Retreat March 15-17, 2019

Don’t forget, registration is limited, so don’t delay.

For more information, please email Joe and Kerry at pomarriage@gmail.com

Adulterous Affairs Don’t Begin with Sex; They Begin with Inappropriate Friendships

“Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.” Romans 12:2

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It seems that far too often when  a spouse becomes close to a member of the opposite sex, other than their spouse, it begins to place them on a slippery slope.  In our years of counseling we have seen the results of what occurs when it was initially shared to a spouse, “We are just friends, that’s all.”  An adulterous affair, whether it be physical or emotional, begins with allowing a friendship to be inappropriate.  These friendships will grow an emotional attachment with people of the opposite sex. When this begins to grow it can spell danger and sometimes disaster for a marriage.

Here are three things to Avoid…Beware of the following:

Beware of private communications and intimate conversations with people of the opposite sex: The only person to share an intimate conversation with is your spouse, no one else.  Communication between a husband and wife is crucial.  If you feel it necessary to discuss private, personal matters about your relationship with your spouse to someone other than your spouse, especially a member of the opposite sex, then you are emotionally connecting with them instead of your spouse. By doing this, you are purposely causing the relationship with your spouse to atrophy. Which leads to the next one.

Beware of workmates who seem too concerned with your personal private life: Those are the ones that tell you “let me know if you need anything.” They are more interested in having you focus on them and relying on them instead of your spouse. These are dangerous people. They shroud themselves with the cloak of being a “good friend” and “one that will always be there for you.”  The key things to remember is just that, your personal private life is that-personal and private.

Beware of those that give you exaggerated and suggestive compliments about the way you look: Regardless of what is happening in your marriage don’t give the Devil a foothold in your marriage by falling victim to this trap. Let your workmates know there are things you won’t tolerate.  Suggestive comments are a pathway to flirting and there is no such thing as “harmless flirting” between members of the opposite sex.  It is especially harmful to have spouses engage in this activity outside of their marriage.

Remember this, keep a healthy physical, social and emotional distance between you and people of the opposite sex.  This is a safeguard for your marriage.  If necessary, seek marriage counseling to avoid these pitfalls in your marriage.

Again, adulterous affairs do not just happen overnight.  They are a slow and deliberate process that involves the choice of both individuals.

Stay connected emotionally, physically and spiritually to the one God has ordained for you…your spouse!

 

Joe & Kerry

 

 

 

Forgiveness…4 Principles to Apply to Your Life

“Holding a grudge is like drinking poison and then hoping the other person dies.”                  Saint Augustine

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Forgiveness is one of the most difficult and most misunderstood concepts in all of life. Refusal to do it can create a toxic root of bitterness in our hearts. A lack of forgiveness can wreck marriages, families, careers and most every other aspect of life, but embracing grace in its true form can bring freedom and healing.

This past weekend at our POM Communication Conference, we spoke in great depth on the communication skill of forgiveness. Not only receiving but granting it as well.  It is evident that so many of us struggle with the concept of Biblical Forgiveness, both extending as well as receiving.

Kerry and I would like to share 4 basic principles that we like to put into place on this journey of forgiveness.

To live a life of grace and forgiveness, do the following:

When you’ve blown it, own it!

We live in a world that loves to deflect accountability and assign blame somewhere else. We’d like to believe we’re always either the hero or the victim in every situation, but sometimes, we’re the bad guys! Never admitting fault doesn’t make you look strong; it makes you look foolish. Be willing to swallow your pride, confess your offense, and humbly seek forgiveness.

“Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy.” Proverbs 28:13

Recognize the difference between forgiveness and trust.

Some people reject forgiveness, because they wrongly believe it’s the same thing as trust and since they don’t trust the person, they assume they can’t forgive the person. Forgiveness can’t be earned, only given (that’s called grace). Trust, however, can’t be given, only earned (that’s called “Common Sense!”).

Follow the example of the world’s only perfect Forgiver.

The more you learn from Jesus, the more naturally forgiveness will flow. He is the embodiment of love and grace. We still live with the natural consequences of our decisions, but ultimately, the penalty of our sins was paid for by Him on the cross. Don’t beat yourself or others up for offenses that Jesus has literally taken a beating to forgive.

Give as much forgiveness as you’d like to receive.

We all want grace when we’ve messed up, but we’ve got to realize that grace flows both ways with equal measure. If you want to receive forgiveness, you must also offer forgiveness.

“For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” Matthew 6:14-15

Think of it this way- We are not called to “wait” for that person to come and ask for forgiveness. No, we must actively forgive in the moment.
Better example yet, God sent His Son into a world that hated Him. If God had waited for the world to be “worthy” to receive Him, His Son would never have come.

In closing, Forgiveness is so unnatural an act that it takes practice to perfect it. In fact, it is rarely the case that we are able to forgive “one time” and the matter is settled, more often than not, we must relinquish our bitterness a dozen or so times, continually choosing to release the offender from our judgment.

So, today, what do you choose?

Joe & Kerry

Communication Conference-POM

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Effective communication in your marriage is not just about saying and hearing words—it’s all about relaying ideas accurately with the intent of building a mutual understanding. When a husband and wife practice healthy habits for talking, listening, and processing together, it’s not only good for their marriage, but ultimately for the glory of God.

If we are to have marriages that are healthy, enjoyable, and intentional, we must learn and apply wise principles to how we communicate. We must take to heart Solomon’s words:

“A fool takes no pleasure in understanding but only in expressing his opinion.” Proverbs 18:2

When we get in the habit of bad communication in our marriage, that’s when we will stifle growth, inhibit intimacy, and create endless spouts of bickering, arguing, and division.

However, when we begin to put into practice healthy communication, our marriages will begin to fuel growth and intimacy and make our marriages resilient against otherwise devastating disagreements.

The foundation towards healthy communication in marriage begins with a humble and listening heart!


Join us on Saturday, May 12th as we begin the journey together to identify and put into practice principles towards effective communication in your marriages.

“Did You Hear What I Just Said?” Conference will take place at Eastern Hills Baptist Church, 3100 Morris NE, Albuquerque, NM  87111 from 2pm till 8pm. A catered Dinner is included in the conference.  The cost is $40 per couple and $25 per individual.

We, Joe & Kerry Vivian, will speak on effective communication towards love, forgiveness, family matters, servanthood, sexual intimacy, and growth in Christ.

Please register at JoenKerry.com on the Communication Conference page or follow this link.  “Did You Hear What I Just Said?”  $25 individual/$40 per couple

Reminder: YOU MUST BE REGISTERED TO ATTEND. THERE WILL BE NO REGISTRATION AT THE DOOR.

Social Media or Your Spouse? Which Do You Choose?

Yup, Social Media Can Erode Your Emotional Bond With Your Spouse
Cellphones, Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram, Twitter and other forms of Social Media can either bless or break a marriage. When we learn to use these tools within the parameters of our marriage covenant, they can then greatly enhance communication between a husband and wife. However, that is not always the case. Many marriages have failed and collapsed around the selfish, misuse of cellphones, Twitter, Snapchat and other Social Media Apps. 

Here are three priniciples to apply in your marriage so as to avoid losing the trust and bond you share with your spouse while using these communication tools.

1. Avoid Secret Communications
    There is never any reason you should be having secret conversations or private chats with members of the opposite sex. These may start off as harmless text messages or IM’s that are just friendly in nature; however, those will soon grow into intimate conversations that will draw you away from your spouse. Instead, choose to protect your marriage, respect your spouse and don’t allow yourself to be led into temptation. Psalm 24:4-5

2. Be Accountable to One Another
     Have an open cellphone policy with your spouse. If you must have a password on your phone, tablet, computer or apps, then let your spouse know about it. Your spouse should have every right to read every text and every email you receive and send. Be so completely transparent that the issue is not “what are you hiding” but instead it should be “what happened today.” Ephesians 4:29

3. Put Down Your Phone!!
     If you and your spouse are together, there is nothing on Facebook, Instagram, or any other social media that requires your attention to be drawn away from your spouse. No nothing… I see it as rude and disrespectful to continue surfing or following posts and tweets when your spouse is right there next to you. Matthew 19:6
I’m sure that you may think of others, but this is a good start. Please realize that your marriage is ordained by the hand of God and both of you should be daily pursuing to be one in flesh, mind, and spirit.  

Joe & Kerry