We will be very open and honest with you all. There are many nights that sex seems to be the last thing on both mine and Kerry’s mind by the time we fall into bed at the end of the day. Although, mine are less than Kerry’s…just saying.
How many of you can make the same claim that we just did? The though of a sexual connection is more often than not, the last thing on either one if not both of your minds. We have shared in the past that as a married couple, a husband and wife, God gave us the pleasure and intimacy of a physical, sexual encounter and the importance of that sexual connection for a husband and wife. However, as the years go by and as we begin to raise our children, we place that God ordained gift of physical oneness to the back burner. If you are lacking in a “Sexual Playfulness” in your marriage, then Kerry and I would like to share with you 5 simple ways to be Sexually Playful during the day, while staying clothed! Yes, that’s right. Reclaim that intimacy all day long and come night time when you are crawling into bed, you will be primed and excited to grow in your intimacy together.
Sexual play when the lights go out tends to be easier when there’s sexual play while your clothes are on.
Here are 5 ideas for being sexually playful while clothed:
1. Touch While Driving.
We are not even talking about anything overtly sexual here. We are talking about expressing your sexual desire and affection with simple gestures.
Any one of these will likely get your message across: Gently put your hand on your spouse’s leg. Caress the back of their neck. Softly run your finger just under the hem on their shorts or the sleeve on their shirt.
If there aren’t kids in the car (or if the kiddos are fast asleep), you can probably get away with more suggestive caressing. Just be prepared to give an explanation if they are not asleep.
Sure, you have to keep your eyes on the road and stay safe. But trust me. A simple touch while driving can speak volumes about your intentions later. So if you are ever behind us and we are slightly swerving, you will understand.
2. Use Suggestive Code Words and Nicknames.
There are so many ways that Kerry and I will speak in “code” to one another. It’s our special way of overtly flirting, that only we can understand. Having small children even made it more of a challenge. Now that the girls are grown up, we are pretty sure that they now have a better understanding of our coded “love” language.
Do you and your spouse have ways to talk about sex playfully without really talking about sex? If you don’t…then start. Trust me, it’s very fun and many times, sexually provocative.
What Euphemisms Do You Use for Sex? What nicknames do you use for your spouse that are only for them no others? Do they know the words and nicknames?
3. Kiss. Really Kiss.
There’s just something about an unexpected passionate kiss that is genuine and heartfelt.
When was the last time you kissed your spouse this way when the two of you were not making love? Like Garth Brooks sang once, “Kiss me like we’re lovers, not like we’re married!”
A spontaneous lingering kiss in the kitchen or before your spouse leaves for work or even as you are putting laundry away can convey that your sexual desire is alive and well. Kerry and I will make sure to kiss each other passionately every morning. This sets the tone for the day and creates a memory for each of us to draw on during the day that says, “I love you and find you stinking HOT!”
Sadly, too many married couples stop kissing passionately.
4. Don’t be Afraid to Sext.
Okay, let’s clear up one item about this. If you decide to sext your spouse make sure not to send those to your spouse if they have a company-issued cell phone, because obviously that phone is the property of the company and they likely have rules against sexting. Just saying.
But if you are sending texts to your spouse’s personal phone, you can get creative. Discretion is the key in this. And always double check that the number you are sending this to is your spouse…trust me, I have heard many an awkward story of a mis-typed phone number.
To be super wise about this, you should use code words. That way, your spouse knows that when you type, “Did I mention we were out of chocolate syrup?,” what you really just said has nothing to do with an ice cream topping. I would share some of ours; however, there is a limit to our transparency with all of you.
Also realize that there are many free apps out there that are set up so the messages only go to the phone number assigned and no one else. These are great and eliminate the possibility of it popping up on a another’s phone by accident. We use Couple. There are other ones that works great: You & Me, Between, and Avocado. Download one today and let the fun begin between you and your spouse.
Anyway, you get the idea.
When it comes to sexting, less is more. Say too much, too often and the technique loses its arousal factor.
Kerry and I need to share this hard and fast TRUTH: don’t send any suggestive photos. Save all the visuals for the “live-and-in-person” escapades in the exclusivity of your marriage bed.
5. Hold Hands.
I know. This one seems so obvious. But why don’t we see more married couples holding hands? I for one love to hold onto Kerry’s hand. We make it a habit of connecting physically in this manner as much as we can, even sitting on the couch together.
Holding hands with the person you fell in love with and pledged your life to is one of the easiest gestures to actually do — but also the easiest to disregard.
When you hold hands with your spouse, whether you are walking to a scheduled game or appointment or even heading into the grocery store, you convey to them that they are still the one you want by your side.
You convey a great message to those around you too, but that’s simply a nice side benefit. What’s most powerful is the message you are sending to the person you married.
And remember that all hand holding is not created equal. When you hold hands frequently enough with your spouse, you quickly learn the subtle differences of the type of affection being shown.
You can definitely be sexually playful through holding hands, and no one will know but the two of you!
So start today and seek to be playfully sexual while fully clothed. As a husband of 25 years to the same beautiful bride, I love how we flirt daily with our clothes on, knowing that we both desire each other to the fullest each and every day and can’t wait to connect physically as God intended for us to be!