Adulterous Affairs Don’t Begin with Sex; They Begin with Inappropriate Friendships

“Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.” Romans 12:2

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It seems that far too often when  a spouse becomes close to a member of the opposite sex, other than their spouse, it begins to place them on a slippery slope.  In our years of counseling we have seen the results of what occurs when it was initially shared to a spouse, “We are just friends, that’s all.”  An adulterous affair, whether it be physical or emotional, begins with allowing a friendship to be inappropriate.  These friendships will grow an emotional attachment with people of the opposite sex. When this begins to grow it can spell danger and sometimes disaster for a marriage.

Here are three things to Avoid…Beware of the following:

Beware of private communications and intimate conversations with people of the opposite sex: The only person to share an intimate conversation with is your spouse, no one else.  Communication between a husband and wife is crucial.  If you feel it necessary to discuss private, personal matters about your relationship with your spouse to someone other than your spouse, especially a member of the opposite sex, then you are emotionally connecting with them instead of your spouse. By doing this, you are purposely causing the relationship with your spouse to atrophy. Which leads to the next one.

Beware of workmates who seem too concerned with your personal private life: Those are the ones that tell you “let me know if you need anything.” They are more interested in having you focus on them and relying on them instead of your spouse. These are dangerous people. They shroud themselves with the cloak of being a “good friend” and “one that will always be there for you.”  The key things to remember is just that, your personal private life is that-personal and private.

Beware of those that give you exaggerated and suggestive compliments about the way you look: Regardless of what is happening in your marriage don’t give the Devil a foothold in your marriage by falling victim to this trap. Let your workmates know there are things you won’t tolerate.  Suggestive comments are a pathway to flirting and there is no such thing as “harmless flirting” between members of the opposite sex.  It is especially harmful to have spouses engage in this activity outside of their marriage.

Remember this, keep a healthy physical, social and emotional distance between you and people of the opposite sex.  This is a safeguard for your marriage.  If necessary, seek marriage counseling to avoid these pitfalls in your marriage.

Again, adulterous affairs do not just happen overnight.  They are a slow and deliberate process that involves the choice of both individuals.

Stay connected emotionally, physically and spiritually to the one God has ordained for you…your spouse!

 

Joe & Kerry

 

 

 

Sleep Naked with Your Spouse!

Ya know another plus of being married…you get to have a slumber party with your best friend…EVERY NIGHT!!

Sometimes it is the simplest things that can really amp up your marriage, sleeping naked is one of those simple things you can do to improve your marriage.

Before you start throwing up objections and protests, read chapter 4 in Song of Solomon. Trust me, this is a beautiful expression of physical, sexual love between a husband and his wife.  How about these verses from Proverbs.

“Let your fountain be blessed,

And rejoice in the wife of your youth.

As a loving hind and a graceful doe,

Let her breasts satisfy you at all times;

Be exhilarated always with her love.”

Proverbs 5:18-19

Do you get where we are going here? Sleeping Naked is ok and very beneficial as well. Let me expand…
For the first 8 years of our marriage we rarely slept naked except for the occasional time when we, or me, was wanting to initiate sex. Yes, we had little ones and many a late night child excursion to attempt. Because of that, naked sleeping was not viable.

However, in the past 15 years Kerry and I have made it a point to come to bed naked every night. The exception is when we are at a Youth or Children Camp or Mission Trip, or if we are at a relatives home on vacation. Other than that, we crawl into bed sans clothing. 

First off, sleeping naked is quite freeing: Physically, Emotionally and Spiritually. It really is. Baring yourself while you sleep with your spouse builds trust physically. Think of it this way, your body will produce higher levels of oxytocin. This hormone is also dubbed the “Love Hormone.” The more it is produced while with your spouse, the closer you will become physically. Next, baring all between the sheets will draw you together emotionally. Be presenting yourself naked on a daily basis will allow you to not be ashamed of your body, as well as your spouse’s body, and instead you will be drawn closer together. Finally, this will draw you both together spiritually. Your marriage is the shadow of what’s to come in heaven. This includes oneness physically. God intends you to be joined to your spouse physically and no one else. I already shared scripture that supports this as well.

Now let’s be truly honest with one another…The act of sleeping naked is simply sexy and appealing to your husband and/or wife! That skin to skin feeling also makes you feel sexy. Like I stated before, skin on skin contact releases the hormone oxytocin which increases the feelings of comfort, oneness and intimacy. Oxytocin has other benefits as well like making you feel more aroused, increasing feelings of trust, lowers heart rate, reduces blood pressure and simply makes you more ready for sexual interaction. 

So, sleeping naked may just even put you in the mood for SEX. Yes, I finally went there…this will possibly lead to sex.  
So here are three advantages, or better yet, three benefits to sleeping naked!

Health Benefits 

Of course healthy spouses are happy spouses. Sleeping naked has been scientifically proven to improve health. 

Being close to your spouse and cuddling with your spouse is actually beneficial your health. 

Your skin can absorb more nutrients. 

Your metabolism will also improve because your body will have to work while you sleep to maintain that healthy body temperature of 98.6. 

For both men and women sleeping naked allows their genitals to “air out”. Your genitals are covered up all day, everyday which makes it an ideal environment for the overgrowth of yeast and bacteria which can lead to infection and discomfort. 

Sleep Benefits

More sound sleep equals less overall stress. 

Feeling less stressed means less arguing and nit picking in marriages. 

You may not believe it, but having a lower body temperature while you sleep actually helps you to rest better.

This is also an ideal environment for the anti-aging hormones to do their job. 

Sexual Benefits

Sleeping naked is also fun. What better way to end the day than to be skin to skin with your spouse.

It is an intimate way to sleep and will make you feel closer to your spouse. 

The skin to skin contact is a great way to get that intimate alone time that you cannot get anywhere else.

There have been nights when we go to bed exhausted and yet we are naked. Through out the night we are touching a feeling each other.

As a new day arrives and the house is quiet we find the perfect time to enjoy one another sexual and start our day off on the right track.

So here is our “Encouragement” for all you husbands and wives out there…

Free yourself from wearing clothes at night! Sleeping naked is a empowering situation for both of you!

Joe & Kerry