Monthly Archives: July 2015

21 Ways to Initiate Sex…

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Joe and I know that there are a lot of articles out there that claim to provide you with all the information that you need to know on how to have great sex.However, for some couples the hardest part is knowing how to initiate sex. You might often feel too tired, preoccupied, or even too busy to initiate sex regularly.

While some think that only having sex once in a blue moon is fine (or even desirable when compared to the opposite), not everyone feels this way.

Some marriages can even face seriously rough patches if one or both of the partners does not know how to initiate sex.

What you must understand is that sex is part of a healthy marriage. For many husbands and wives it makes them feel more desired, more loved, more confident, and less stressed.

So the next time you are ready to initiate sex, we can help you out. We have gathered a list of ways that you can use to initiate sex with your spouse.

21 Ways to Initiate Sex with Your Spouse

21. If you have never really tried foreplay before, try it the next time you feel frisky. Foreplay can include petting, kissing, hugging, or oral sex.

20. Speaking of oral sex, do not be afraid of it! Be sure to give and receive.

19. Send your spouse a text that tells them just how much you want them. 

18. Wear a bit of lingerie. 

17. Whenever your spouse starts to hint, say yes, enthusiastically. 

16. Try something new together. This could be a new location in the house or just a new position. 

15. Give subtle hints to your spouse.

14. Write your spouse a sexy note. 

13. Undress your spouse.

12. Try out a new code to let the other know when you are in the mood. 

11. Give your spouse a massage. 

10. Reminisce about that one time you both had a great time (sexually) together.

9. Take a shower or bath and wash each other.

8. Go on a date together, all leading up to a special night. 

7. Kiss your spouse’s back to wake them up.

6. Try a bit of dirty talk. 

5. Send them a picture of what you are wearing under your clothes. 

4. Show a bit of public affection. 

3. Greet your partner in the nude when they come to bed.

2. Try something a bit different for foreplay. 

1. Just tell them! Let your partner know when you are horny without beating around the bush.

Here is to hopefully breaking the barrier of non-initiating towards sexual intimacy in your marriage this weekend…Here’s to great sex this weekend!

-Kerry

Date Night Ideas – July 15th

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It’s Wednesday again and hopefully you are planning a date night this weekend with your spouse. Remember, a date night doesn’t have to be expensive or extravagant, it just has to be heartfelt and one that creates a deeper bond between husband and wife. Strengthening your friendship is key.
So here are this week’s ideas:

  1. Take in a comedy show.
  2. Go bird watching, but have fun distracting each other affectionately while hiding in the shrubs.
  3. Get a caricature of you both and enjoy other attractions that may be nearby.
  4. Dessert Tour Night: Share taster sized desserts in three different restaurants. Try to end at a decadent chocolatier.
  5. Husband offers his wife an hour long sensual massage.

Enjoy your Date Night and don’t forget to share your times together.

-Joe and Kerry

Date Night Ideas – July 8th 

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Well, here it is Wednesday and we need to be planning for Date Night this weekend with our spouses. Have you asked your husband/wife out on a date for this weekend? 

Starting today and every Wednesdays, we will give you some ideas so as to plan out a fun and enjoyable Date Night. Wives, I know that many feel that the Husband should ask out the wives and plan them out; however, why not mix it up every once and a while and surprise your Husband. Husbands, this does not eliminate your responsibility towards romance either…

So look through these ideas and if one suits your fancy, do it this weekend. If not, still plan something fun to do together!

  1. Movie night in with HER selecting a movie HE would like.
  2. Make something out of clay together.
  3. Crash someone else’s party and pretend you are friends from years ago that you are surprised the guests don’t remember.
  4. Drive places where you can introduce your spouse to fond memories of yours that you both can share.
  5. Curl up into bed together and watch a romantic comedy.

So there they are…We would love to hear from you if you do any of these and how they worked out, or if you have any other date night ideas, please share.

-Joe and Kerry 

Vows on the 25th…

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 On Tuesday the 30th of June, Kerry and I renewed our vows on our 25th Wedding Anniversary.  It was a surprise for Kerry that evening. With the amazing help from our kids, Samantha-Baylee-Ryne, over 50 close firends and family were there to share in our time to rededicate and celebrsate the past 25 years as we prepared for the many years to come.

I am going to share those vows we spoke to one another. This is not to brag but to encourage other couples to constantly focus on the blessing of your marriage. God ordained you as Husband and Wife, you must daily seek ways to thank Him for that blessing.

Joe’s Vows to Kerry

I still remember the first time I laid eyes on you that fall day in 1987. Standing next to something also near and dear to my heart…the Hot Dog vendor by the Duck Pond at UNM. You took my breath away at that moment….it just took you another 4 months till you felt slightly close the same way.

The past 25 years have been truly a humbling experience for me. You came along and joined me in this adventure. You never considered the “D” word, you never sought to purposely attack me as a father or husband. You joined me hand in hand and became the living model of Genesis 2:18-You always are there to assist and complete me as you reflect Christ in everything you do!

So I would like to speak these commitments to you for our next 25 years and beyond:

1. I commit to seeking Christ first in my life and obeying what He reveals to me.

2. I commit to praying for you daily, every morning, before my feet hit the floor.

3. I commit to Holiness in our marriage, not happiness.

4. I commit to displaying Christ to not only you but to our children, and grandchildren daily.

5. I commit to making sure you have a hot towel each time you get out of the shower.

6. I commit to only having eyes for you!

7. I commit to pray for you as a teacher, and educator, as an awakener towards your students.

8. I commit to never ceasing to display chivalry towards you.

9. I commit to always infusing Intimacy into our marriage: Spiritual, Emotional, and Physical Intimacy.

10. I commit to always getting “puffy eyes” when you are around me!

11. I commit to Hobby Lobby runs with you at your becking call.

12. I commit to the 6 questions. Not just asking but listening and growing!

13. I commit to date nights as much as possible!

14. I commit to being the best Papa Joe alongside my Lovey.

15. I commit to practice turning the bathroom door in a very quiet manner in the morning.

16. I commit to continue to smile and make eye contact with you everytime you enter a room!

17. I commit to out-serving you 

18. I commit to being the best forgiver in our marriage: both asking and seeking.

19. I commit to always seeing you as the princess you are: God’s precious daughter!

20. I commit to daily Redeeming the White Space in our marriage from this day forward

Kerry, I am honored, humbled and so over the top excited to call you my wife but most of all, calling you my best friend. You daily display to our daughters what it looks like to be a woman of God, and Imitator of Christ. You daily display grace and forgiveness, not only to me, but to those you encounter. We have entered a new calling in our lives as we do ministry together. I am at awe as you counsel and encourage spouses, wives and moms. You truly give Biblical counsel and always point to His amazing love in every encounter. 

Kerry, I want you to know today, that I commit to Him, to us, and to our family. You are My Dove and always remember this…I loved you first and always will love you through His love and holiness!

Kerry’s Vows to Joe

I still remember that night when I called you to say I was finally ready…All God…to go out on a date. Thank you for waiting.

I still remember the dog we picked up on a rainy night, the red car we picked out together and the nights we hunted down the “mega event” lights in the sky.

I remember our wedding day and honeymoon at the cabin. The rainy walk we took.

I remember our first mountain loft home we built with family and the centipedes we constantly vacuumed up.

I remember sharing our car one car and how you would drop me off at the school at 6:30am when I worked at the YMCA.

I remember how you supported me through school, graduation, and then the endless hours I still dedicate to school.

I remember getting pregnant the second time and the look on your face when you said, “Again? So Soon?” 

I remember how excited you were when we found out we were pregnant and how I did not change a diaper for the first 2 weeks of Samantha’s life and how it was a rainy day and you tried to make baby food. That lasted a day.

I remember the tough times thru the business and the incredible times traveling with Special Olympics. 

I remember standing before our current church family and the process it took to be voted in. What a blessing that turned out to be!!

I remember the first wedding you officiated and the transparency that was created.

I remember how you would cry each time you thought about giving away your oldest daughter and I smile about how you are going to cry when you hold your grandbaby girl.

I remember the first time I sat across from you and listened to how you gave such Godly counsel to a hurting couple. I was so proud of you.

I remember so much about our last 25+ years together. But the one thing I don’t need to remember is how you use to love me because you show me everyday by your words and actions that you still love me unconditionally. Every part of me knows you will lead us by His Word. 

I know you will love me even when I frustrate you. 

I know you still find me hot.

I know you will make me proud.

I know you will be in His Word.

I know you choose me daily.

I am so blessed to be your wife and I know that the next 25 years standing by your side is fgoing to bring laughter, tears, and many blessings.

I am my Beloved’s and my Beloved is Mine!

3 Simple Ways to Prioritize Sex in Your Marriage

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Joe and I will tell you with much certainty that sex is a special and intimate time for a married couple.

It’s a bonding time where the two of you can steal away and experience a connection that is unlike any other. There is an intimacy like no other.

Unfortunately, there are many distractions such as, kids, work, sports, electronics, community service and other activities that take you away from fully giving your undivided attention during sex.

We were in a similar place in our marriage and our sex life was suffering.

It was at this time that we decided to face the lack of sexual intimacy we were experiencing. Over many conversations of asking and answering questions we learned that we wanted to be sexually intimate and yet we needed a plan to help us to experience the sex we desired.

Years have passed since we had those first conversations about our sex life. Since then we have made sex a priority and are excited to say that our sex life has never been better. In fact, the level of intimacy we are experiencing now is not only physical, it is emotional as well as spiritual.

So we would like to share 3 simple ways you can make sexual intimacy in your marriage a priority:

Schedule Sex

That’s right. Pull out your calendar and look at all the appointments you have.

You probably have doctor appointments, meetings, sporting events, etc.

Is sex with your spouse on your calendar?

Probably not because you just expect to have sex sometime during the week.

The problem is that it doesn’t happen. Before you know it a month has passed and neither you nor your spouse can remember the last time you were sexually intimate. Where you both were naked and not ashamed.

Sit down with your spouse, take out your calendars, and find one day each week when the two of you are going to have sex.

You have to schedule sex, if you want to be consistent in your sexual intimacy. This may sound very sterile or unromantic; however, it is necessary if the rest of your schedule is overrunning the time of intimacy and closeness you both need to experience on a regular schedule.

As you go over your calendars find the days and times when both of you can be together.

You wouldn’t cancel on your doctor’s appointment so don’t cancel on your sexual time with your spouse.  Think of it this way, if you see it on your calendar in the morning, the anticipation during the day is a new style of foreplay.  You can sext your spouse. Flirt through notes.  Tease with hints in the early evening. This would help heighten the excitement of sex that evening!

Change of Scenery

One thing that we both began to notice is the routine and location of sex in our marriage. And because of that, over time you get into sexual habits.

When it comes to your sexual intimacy it may be that you make love in the same place, same time, and same position.  This is what we discovered about our sex life at that time… Boring!

Break out of your comfort zone for a change of scenery.

Get out from under the covers. Leave the lights on so you can see one another.

Get outside of your bedroom (living room, bathroom, back seat of your car.)

Try a new position that both of you agree on.

What Joe and I discovered that worked best for us is that we began to communicate, yes that’s right, we talked about sex before having sex. The way that we’ve gotten out of our comfort zone has been by having conversations about what we would like to try. Sometimes what we try doesn’t work out and other times fireworks are going off.  The key is that we communicate and then try it out.  However, remember this, if a new location or position makes your spouse uncomfortable at that moment, then don’t pursue it at that time.  Especially if it is un-Biblical, you do not pursue that path.

Initiate Sex

In every marriage there is a spouse who initiates (high desire-Joe) and one who is pursued (low desire-Kerry).

The one who initiates gets tired of being turned down and the pursued spouse gets tired or finds ways to get out of having sex, right? That was our routine for many years.  Joe became stand offish on pursuing and I made excuses on how to get out of it.

So we came up with a new attitude. We decided that we each needed to “retake” the lead in our sex lives!  As we scheduled or discussed, it became evident who was pursuing and who would be ready to receive.  When our attitudes took a change to serve our spouse by living out and owning 1 Corinthians 7:3-5. We are to give ourselves freely to one another unless we both agree that it is only for a limited time. I do not own my body and Joe does not own his. We have authority over each other’s body so as to keep temptation from our marriage.This application of scripture alone has helped us to better understand each other’s sexual desire.

Great sex doesn’t just happen. When you and your spouse empower one another to share your likes and desires during sex this is when you can experience a deep connection in your sexual intimacy.

Now in closing, we both know that there are many other factors that may lead to a sexual dissatisfaction or disconnect in your marriages. Health, infidelity, pornography, and other serious issues that need to be dealt with head on by professionals. However, for those who are just too busy and have wandered away from intimacy in your marriage, start with these three simple ways to getting back

Men, Show Your Wife Chivalry!

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Husbands, I wanted to take time to share with you my thoughts on “Chivalry” and what it means to me, as a wife, a mother, as a woman.  Joe treats me like a princess. He displays chivalry towards me on a daily basis. He does not perform these acts so as to attain favor with me…i.e. sex or favors such as. Instead, he chooses to show me the respect and love I deserve as a child of God.  He truly sees me as God’s daughter and he will daily choose to love me in a way that will worship and love on Christ Himself by the way he loves me.

I wanted to share some ways that Joe daily displays his love towards me…better said, these simple actions are those of Chivalry. As Joe displays this love towards me, he is also setting the standard for our daughters to see and also expect a man of God to do to them as well.

  1. Opening doors

A man who takes the time to come around and open the car door for his wife/girlfriend is spot on! Make no mistake on that.

  1. Suffering through a girly movie

When a man volunteers to endure a girly show or movie because he knows you’ll enjoy it, he earns major bonus points. (Even more if he does so without complaining or expecting something in return.)

  1. Sending flowers/cards

I’m not talking about the $100 bouquet you get on Valentine’s Day. I’m talking about the grocery store assortment he picked up on a random Tuesday while thinking of you. There’s just something about unexpected flowers that makes a girl smile. As well as the card that was handpicked to express his love towards you.

  1. Walking on the outside of the sidewalk

The first time someone does this, you will probably be confused. But then you’ll start to question how come other men in your life have never been concerned about positioning themselves in such a way that you’d be protected should curbside tragedy strike. I know that Joe will always place himself between me and “danger.” It’s not a must, but it’s certainly nice to have.

  1. Kissing your forehead

If you’ve been married for a long period of years and your husband does this, it’s a small gesture that can make you feel adored. He loves you so much to display his love without expecting a run to the sheets.

  1. Filling up your gas tank

Much like walking on the outside of a sidewalk, this gesture will probably surprise you the first time it’s performed. It’s indicative of a man who was raised right and is generally courteous, which is always a welcome surprise. It is very rare that I have ever had to fill my gas tank.  When I get in my car and the tank is now filled, it tells me he was thinking of me.

  1. Putting your jacket on

Women are fully capable of putting their own jackets on, but it’s not a question of ability. It’s gentlemanly and kind for someone to hold out your jacket for you or offer you theirs when it’s cold.

  1. Pulling out your chair at a restaurant

Again, I am capable of pulling out my chair, however, this simple gesture says that my initial comfort is the priority of our meal together.

  1. Making eye contact and smiling when I enter a room

Simple and so fulfilling.  When a man does this for his wife, he is saying that you still captivate his heart and that he is giving her his undivided attention.  I love the smile Joe gives me as I enter any room.

Chivalry is not dead; men can be everyday knights in shining armor. You just have to learn to spot the subtle, more meaningful gestures. Husbands, if you already do some of these, then add another one to your routine. If you do them all, then make sure you are modeling this for other men you hang out with. For those of you that this seems foreign to, then choose one a week to add until you have completed 9 weeks and all become a habit of your marriage.

-Kerry