This article is for a wife, married to a husband, and for her husband only. This is intended to guide and direct those in marriage. Please realize that fact as you read my thoughts in this article.
Joe and I were discussing something that may be off the radar of many wives. Husbands — at least most — truly enjoy it when their wives have an orgasm. Why? Well, I imagine husbands out there could chime in with a whole list of reasons, I will let Joe and those male readers share with him, but until then, I’ll offer up three today.
Wives, pay close attention…
When you climax…
1. It Affirms to Him That He Can Sexually Satisfy the Woman He Married.
At its base foundation, there is something really manly about that. I imagine Joe as he watches Braveheart on a Saturday afternoon. He will finish that movie and want to take on the world. His T-Level has now gone through the roof. This is the same feeling he gets when he knows that he truly satisfies me during sex. Try as we might to push aside “manliness” as a relic from days gone by, the truth is that a man wants to feel like a man. We too often have stripped men of the God-given qualities and characteristics that celebrate their masculinity. It’s not that your orgasm is about his ego. It’s that your orgasm speaks to his sexual nature with an affirmation that can’t be found anywhere else. It is the one thing that only he can give you. No other man nor person can share that level of intimacy and pleasure.
Dr. Kevin Leman described this so well in his book Sheet Music: Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage:
“So much of who we are as men is tied up in how our wives respond to us sexually. While this may surprise some of you wives, as a psychologist I believe that every healthy man wants to be his wife’s hero. He may not be the top dog at work, he may not have the fastest car, he may be losing what little looks he had to begin with, his hair may be falling out while his gut is getting bigger, but if his honey loves him enough to occasionally put a few scratches on his back in the heat of passion, he will still feel like the king of the world. Why? Because he can please his woman.”
2. It Shows Him That You Actually Want To Be There.
Sounds simple enough. But let’s face it ladies — we often come up with a million other things we would rather do than make love to our husbands. There is TLC, Pinterest, Reading a Book, even a Nap will be a higher priority. Trust me, I know.
Consider this — when you fully participate and are excited about sex and you enjoy being naked with him, your husband feels valued. You are displaying a new priority in your day and in your schedule. You demonstrate to him that making love to him is way more important to you than cleaning the lint trap or making rice krispie treats for the Cub Scout meeting. It is more important to you than those things, isn’t it? If you are trying to convince yourself that it should be, then maybe you need to better educate him on what makes you orgasm. Some wives think that for sexual intimacy to be fulfilling for a husband, he simply needs to have an orgasm. This is probably why so many wives fall into a “going through the motions” mindset when it comes to sex. If you are like most wives, I bet you can tell me with relative certainty the steps it would take to make your husband climax. You know what to do, don’t you? Where to put your hands. Where to kiss him. What to do with your body.
But I encourage you to think outside this box for a moment. His sexual pleasure is about more than his orgasm. His sexual pleasure is also about your sexual pleasure. Own this statement: “Your orgasm matters more to him than you realize.” Hmmm, you probably won’t see that stitched on a sofa pillow, or maybe we should…
3. It Reveals to Him the Mystery of the Female Body.
Most husbands will admit that when they discover what it takes to bring their wives to an intense orgasm, they are in awe by this. I’m not trying to embarrass Joe, but it was like a new found ability that he was eager to not only learn, but master. He wanted to be the Master of His Craft in our bedroom.
Unfortunately, the clitoris is not quite as predictable as the penis. It can be a bit persnickety. So, instead of just lying there and letting him fumble around (and often fail) in the dark — help him. Help him become a student of what it will take to make sexual intimacy fulfilling for you both. The payoffs are well worth it. When he is doing something that you find satisfying, express this (either through your sounds, your words, your body language or your touch). And when he needs a little more guidance in how to stimulate you, lovingly show him and give him verbal cues as to what to do. Don’t be bashful or think that this may damage his ego, these simple, yet so necessary physical cues make all the difference between the sheets!
Do you want to turn your husband on? A good place to start is by growing in your sexual confidence, embracing sexual intimacy in your marriage, and allowing yourself to enjoy the intense pleasure of climax. As I’ve often noted before — I’m not going to say orgasm is everything, but it certainly is something. A very good something that God designed.
Some husbands would readily say that there is no other experience that compares to the feel of their wife’s body as she orgasms. But don’t take my word for it. Ask your husband tonight what it means to him when you climax. You might be surprised at what you learn!